Mae mabwysiadu yn bendant yn agored i bawb
Canon Nathan Jarvis ydy caplan Prifysgol Bangor ac mae hefyd yn gyfrifol am Fanc Bwyd y Gadeirlan. Mae yntau a’i bartner wedi bod yn rhieni ers bron i bedair blynedd bellach ac mae ganddyn nhw ddau fachgen, wyth a naw oed.
Yn ei weinidogaeth flaenorol yn Esgobaeth Rhydychen, roedd Canon Nathan yn gyfrifol am sefydlu grwpiau fel rhwydwaith i gefnogi pobl Gristnogol a oedd yn:
- ystyried eu galwedigaeth i fabwysiadu
- mynd trwy’r broses statudol i geisio dirnad p’un ai a oedden nhw’n addas i fabwysiadu
- rhieni
Datblygodd yn grŵp mawr gan helpu llawer o bobl ar eu taith fabwysiadu, gan edrych ar bopeth o bersbectif Cristnogol. Cafodd sylw hyd yn oed mewn rhaglenni ar BBC Radio Rhydychen, a fedrwch chi clywed yma.
Dymuniad Canon Nathan erbyn hyn ydy gweld a fyddai grŵp tebyg yn medru bod yn gefn i bobl yn yr Eglwys yng Nghymru. Mae’n fwy na bodlon ateb cwestiynau neu gynnig cyngor, lle bynnag ydych chi ar y daith honno yn ceisio dirnad p’un ai bod Duw’n eich galw i fabwysiadu.
Mae’r erthygl ganlynol yn gyflwyniad. Rhannwch hi gyda chymaint ag sy bosib.
- Roedd bywyd yn eithaf da.
- Roedd y plwyf yn ffynnu.
- Roeddwn i’n hapus ac yn iach, ac i unrhyw un arall nad oedd yn fy nabod i’n dda, roedd pethau’n edrych ar ei fyny.
- Ond roedd un peth ar goll.
- Teulu.
- Fy nheulu i.
Ers canol fy nhridegau, roeddwn i wedi bod eisiau plant, ond fel dyn sengl, roedd hyn yn ymddangos yn amhosib. Wrth imi ddynesu at fy mhen-blwydd yn ddeugain oed, fe wnes i'r hyn sy’n arferol, sef bwrw golwg yn ôl ar yr hyn roeddwn wedi’i gyflawni, ac yna meddwl beth faswn i’n dymuno’i wneud yn y dyfodol. Roedd taro’r deugain yn ddigon i’m sobri.
Fe wyddwn eisoes bod gen i’r job orau yn y byd fel offeiriad neu ficer, ond eto’n gwybod nad oeddwn i wedi cyflawni’r hyn a welais innau fel galwad berthnasol, rhan o ‘ngalwad i, sef bod yn dad.
Wrth gael ein hordeinio fe fyddwn ni’n addo pob math o bethau. Rydyn ni’n addo bod yn gall a phwyllog, ufuddhau i’r esgob a’i olynwyr. Hefyd, wrth gael ein hordeinio’n ddiaconiaid, dywedir mai rhan o’n swyddogaeth (swydd-ddisgrifiad, mewn ffordd) ydy gofalu am y weddw a’r rhai amddifad neu ddi-dad. Mae hyn yn rhywbeth da i’w gyflawni, nid yn unig oherwydd ein bod fel Cristnogion wrth natur yn hoffi helpu pobl, ond mae’n thema Feiblaidd sy’n gweu trwy’r Hen Destament a’r Newydd.
Yn Deuteronomium 10: 18 fe gawn yr her i ‘wneud cyfiawnder â'r amddifad a'r weddw’. Yn llythyr Iago, mae gofyn inni ‘ofalu am yr amddifad a’r gweddwon’, ac mae’r Salmau’n llawn o ddisgrifiadau ynglŷn â sut mae Duw yn ‘cynorthwyo’r amddifad’. Felly, os ydyn ni eisiau bod fel Duw o ran hynny, os ydyn ni’n dymuno mentro ar y bywyd hwn o sancteiddrwydd, tybed efallai bod angen inni gymryd yr alwad hon fwy o ddifrif?
Mae ein galwedigaeth fel dilynwyr Crist yn galw arnon ni i ofalu am y rhai hynny sy’n wan ac yn fregus, y rhai hynny nad oes fawr o neb yn achub eu cam.
Yn llythrennol, mae yna filoedd o blant heb lais o fath yn y byd, a phrin ydy’r bobl sy’n ymgyrchu ar eu rhan. Mae llawer yn cael eu llyncu yn y system heb fyth allu dod o hyd i ‘deulu dedwydd’.
Wyddoch chi fod plant, erbyn cyrraedd pump oed, yn cael eu categoreiddio’n answyddogol fel yn ‘anfabwysiadwy’? Yn ôl yr ystadegau, bydd y mwyafrif helaeth ohonyn nhw’n profi bywyd mewn sawl cartref maeth (saith ydy’r cyfartaledd) neu mewn cartref plant am weddill dyddiau eu plentyndod. Hyd yn oed heddiw, gyda gwelliannau amlwg i’r system fabwysiadu, bydd miloedd o blant yn gorfod tyfu i fyny heb neb erioed i alw’n ‘mam a dad’.
Yr hyn a wnes i oedd y peth cyntaf wnewch chi os am ganfod mwy am unrhyw beth – chwilio’r rhyngrwyd. Fe ddois i o hyd i asiantaeth a oedd yn wych, a dyma gychwyn taith ryfeddol o ddarganfyddiad. Dechreuodd yr hyfforddiant ac o fewn blwyddyn fe ges fy mharu gyda fy nau fachgen hyfryd, a oedd yn bedair a phump oed ar y pryd.
Ond yr hyn y baswn i wedi’i werthfawrogi base fod wedi cael hyd i eglwys, neu grŵp cymunedol penodol yn hyrwyddo mabwysiadu o bersbectif Cristnogol, rhwydwaith o gefnogaeth rhwydd ei ddefnyddio base’n deall yr awydd i fod yn rhiant, ond hefyd yr angen i gyflawni’r rhan hon o’m galwedigaeth fel Cristion.
Dyna pam dwi’n sgwennu hwn.
Fe hoffwn i greu rhwydwaith o gefnogaeth, ymysg pobl sydd eisoes wedi mabwysiadu, y rhai hynny sydd yn y broses o fabwysiadu, a’r rhai hynny sydd ar fentro gwneud yr ymholiadau cychwynnol, petrusgar hynny.
Fe hoffwn greu grŵp penodol o fewn yr Eglwys yng Nghymru sy’n ymroi i rannu’r siwrne gyda rhieni posib, rhannu straeon, cefnogi gofalwyr, bwyta a chymdeithasu gyda’i gilydd, bod yno i’w gilydd. Fy ngweledigaeth ydy gweld trefniant rhanbarthol gyda chyd-lynwyr yn trefnu cyfarfodydd croeso, yn ogystal ag annog asiantaethau i gynnal digwyddiadau a sgyrsiau.
Dwi eisoes yn ymwybodol o lawer o rieni sy’n mabwysiadu o fewn Esgobaeth Bangor, ac mae’n siwr fod llawer mwy ledled y Dalaith a hyd yn oed fwy fyth a fyddai, gydag ychydig anogaeth, yn teimlo’n fwy abl i gymryd y cam nesaf i ateb yr alwad hon i ofalu am blant Duw.
Mae sawl un yn teimlo nad y nhw ydy’r person iawn i fabwysiadu. Ond pobl nad ydyn nhw’n cydymffurfio â’r ‘stereoteip’ cyffredin ydy’r canran fwyaf o fabwysiadwyr newydd bellach. Mae mabwysiadu yn bendant yn agored i bawb.
Os ydych chi’n credu y byddai grŵp o’r fath yn fuddiol ac yn dymuno ystyried ein galwad i ofalu am blant sydd heb deulu ac am greu un eich hun, mae croeso ichi gysylltu â mi trwy:
anglicanchaplain@esgobaethbangor.net
Dwi’n edrych ymlaen at glywed ganddoch chi.
Canon Nathan Jarvis
Hydref 2018
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Diolch i BBC Radio Rhydychen am y caniatâd i ddefnyddio'r rhaglenni a gynhyrchwyd ganddynt. Maent ar gael yma!
Adoption is very much open to all.
Canon Nathan Jarvis is the chaplain to Bangor University and also looks after the Cathedral Foodbank. He and his partner have been parents for almost four years and have two boys aged eight and nine.
In his previous place of ministry in the Diocese of Oxford, Canon Nathan was responsible for setting up some groups as a support network for Christian people who were
- considering their vocation to adopt
- going through the statutory process to discern whether they were suitable to adopt
- parents
It became a large group and helped many people on their adoption journey, looking at it all from a Christian perspective. It even featured as some programmes for BBC Radio Oxford, which you can listen to here.
Canon Nathan would now like to see whether a similar group would be a support to people in the Church in Wales. He is very happy to answer any questions or offer advice, whatever stage you are at, in discerning whether God is calling you to adopt.
The following article is an introduction. Please do share it as widely as can.
- Life was pretty good.
- The parish was flourishing.
- I was happy and healthy and to anyone who didn’t know me well, things were looking rosy.
- But one thing was missing.
- A family.
- My family.
Ever since I was in my mid-thirties, I had wanted children, but as a single man, this seemed impossible. As my fortieth birthday approached, I did the usual thing of looking back at what I had achieved, and then thought about what I wanted to do in the future. Turning forty really focussed my mind.
I knew that I had the best job in the world as a priest and vicar, but knew that I had not fulfilled what I saw as a related calling, part of my calling, to be a father.
When we are ordained we promise all sorts of things. We promise to be sober minded, to obey our bishop and his or her successors. We also, when ordained deacon, are told that our role (job description, if you like) is to look after the widow and the fatherless. This is not just a ‘good thing to do’ because as Christians, we like helping people, it is a biblical theme threaded throughout the Old and New Testaments.
In Deuteronomy 10: 18 we are told to ‘seek justice for the fatherless and the widow’. In the Letter of James, we are to ‘look after orphans and widows’, and the Psalms are full of descriptions about how God is the ‘helper of the fatherless’. So, if we want to be like God in this respect, if want to embark on this life of holiness, perhaps we need to take more seriously this specific call?
Our vocation as followers of Christ demands that we care for those who are weak and vulnerable, those who have few fighting for them.
There are literally thousands of children out there with no voice, and with very few fighting their corner. Many get lost in the system and will never find their ‘forever family’.
Did you know that at the age of five, children are unofficially classed as ‘unadoptable’? Statistically, the vast majority of them will live in several foster homes (the average is seven) or in a children’s home for the rest of their childhood. Even now, when the system for adoption has been vastly improved, thousands of children will never find a mum or a dad.
I did the first thing we do when trying to find out more. I searched the internet. I found an agency who were amazing, and the wonderful journey of discernment and training began and within a year, I was matched with my two wonderful boys who were aged four and five.
But what I would have loved to have found was a church, or a community group dedicated to promoting adoption from a Christian perspective, a network of easily accessible support who understood the need to be a parent, but also the need to fulfil this part of my vocation as a Christian.
That is why I am writing.
I would like to create a network of support, made up of those who have already adopted, those who are in the process of adoption, and those who are making tentative enquiries.
I would love to create a Church in Wales group dedicated to sharing the journey with potential parents, swapping stories, supporting carers, eating and drinking together, being there for each other. I could see this being organised by region with co-ordinators arranging meets and greets as well as encouraging agencies to hold events and talks.
I already know of several adoptive parents in Bangor Diocese, and am sure there are many more throughout the Province and even more who, with a little encouragement would feel more able to take the next step in answering this call to care for God’s children.
Many feel that they are not the right sort of person to adopt. But people who do not fit the common ‘stereotype’ now make up the largest percentage of new adopters . Adoption is very much open to all.
If you think such a group would be useful and want to reflect on our call to care for children who have no family and want to create your own, please contact me at:
anglicanchaplain@esgobaethbangor.net
I really do look forward to hearing from you.
Canon Nathan Jarvis
October 2018
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Thank you to BBC Radio Oxford for the permission to use the programmes which they produced. They are available here!